Biden Stops By Dunder Mifflin As Part Of Hometown Visit

SCRANTON, PA: Seven years ago, the employees of a local paper company were featured in a surprisingly popular documentary about the daily realities of the American workplace. That documentary catapulted folks like Jim Halpert, Dwight Schrute, and Michael Scott into the national spotlight. Before that, Scranton was perhaps best known as the birthplace of politician Joe Biden. Now that he’s secured the Democratic nomination, Biden returned to The Electric City for a meet-and-greet with the employees of Dunder Mifflin.

Afterwards, we asked those employees to share their thoughts on the Presidential candidate. Here’s what they told us.

Andy Bernard

“He went to Syracuse. I looked it up before he came here. Can you believe that? Future President, and he couldn’t get into Cornell. I’m not surprised. That’s prestige. They turn down everyone. They even turned me down at first. Now there’s a library with my last name on it. My dad’s first name, but my last name.”

Angela Martin

“Not impressed. When I was married to the senator, I met so many empty suits. None of them were willing to take a stance and say that ‘Cat Lives Matter.’ I’ve had enough spineless politicians in my life, thank you very much.”

Creed Bratton

“I was following Joe long before he got into politics, back when he was just a lifeguard. He’s actually the reason I started lifeguarding. Only job that ever seemed to appreciate my hairy legs. They fired me at the end of the summer though. Told me they were looking for someone with all five toes.”

Darryl Philbin

“I brought my daughter with me. Told her that Joe Biden was Obama’s Vice President. Thought she’d be excited. She wasn’t. She kept asking where Obama was. It was cute. The first two or three times.”

Dwight Schrute

“I asked him to remove his mask, told him that I was trying to expose myself to COVID in order to develop immunity. The science is solid, but I never got the chance to explain it to him. Secret Service wanted me outside for the rest of the event, securing the premises or something. They wouldn’t tell me, but I’ve got three suspects in the warehouse.”

Erin Hannon

“Mr. Biden was really nice. He said that my hair smelled good, but I already knew that. My first foster dad would tell me that all the time. I bet Mr. Biden’s hair probably smelled pretty good too. Like the White House, I bet. Or shampoo. I don’t know. I didn’t smell it. That would be weird.”

Jim Halpert

“Politics isn’t really my scene. Pam and I really should have another baby. I need an excuse to get out of stuff like this.”

Kelly Kapoor

“Biden immediately started telling me that immigrants are the backbone of America. Like, excuse me, I was born in Scranton. I guess his Vice President is part-Indian, though. So that’s cool, I guess. I just wish he was hotter, you know? Like JFK. Or that guy from Canada. Biden asked if he could take a selfie for the campaign, and I told him fine, just don’t tag me. Don’t want my grid filled with uggos.”

Kevin Malone

“I liked him OK, but it’s too late for me. I already voted. Someone already called and asked who I was voting for, and I panicked and told them Trump because I couldn’t remember the other guy’s name. I’d call and take it back if I could, but I didn’t save the number.”

Meredith Palmer

“We just talked about his wife. She was my teacher back in high school, and that woman completely changed my life. Good story, actually. She caught me smuggling vodka in my Big Gulp and sent me to detention. There was only one other kid there, a total hottie. Wish I got his name. Jake would want to know. The timing was perfect though. If you get pregnant while you’re drunk, you’re allowed to keep drinking until the baby comes.”

Michael Scott

“Joe and I have a lot in common. Natural leaders, a good sense of humor. I even bought a pair of aviators at the gas station and asked him to sign them. It makes it very difficult to see, but some things are more important than vision.”

Pam Beesly

“I showed him some of my artwork, and he said that his campaign is actually looking for people to help with graphic design. I guess they need someone to design mailers. I’m so excited! It’s not exactly Obama’s Hope poster, but it’s a job. I think. It might be a volunteer thing. I should have clarified, shouldn’t I?”

Ryan Howard

“Our country’s moved past Joe Biden, man. We need a disruptor. Someone who will shake up the status quo, who sees the same world but sees it differently, you know? Someone like Kanye West or Andrew Yang. Now that’s a ticket I could get behind.”

Stanley Hudson

“People tell me that I got to vote for Joe Biden because I’m black, but I ain’t doing it. I work on the second floor of a crappy office building. Any day, that elevator could break and I’d have to walk up those stairs. You know how hard it is for me to breathe already? I’m not voting for anyone who expects me to walk up stairs wearing a damn mask.”

Toby Flenderson

“That was today? Michael told me that Biden wasn’t coming until tomorrow.”